Unmasking Autism: The Hidden Struggles of Neurodivergent Women
Unmasking Autism
If you’ve ever felt like you had to put on a performance just to make it through the day; forcing smiles, suppressing your natural instincts, and adjusting your behavior to fit in, you’re not alone. Many neurodivergent women, especially those with autism, engage in something called masking. It’s an exhausting, often unconscious survival strategy to blend into a world that isn’t designed for our neurodiverse minds. Therefore, unmasking autism and neurodivergence is something we encourage and discuss with our neurodivergent clients.
For years, autism has been primarily studied and diagnosed based on how it presents in boys and men. Because of this, doctors and clinicians have often overlooked or misdiagnosed many women and AFAB (assigned female at birth) individuals. Instead of recognizing them as autistic, they may diagnose them with anxiety, depression, or even a personality disorder. The reality is, that many of these challenges stem from years of masking.
What is Masking?
Masking is when an autistic person mimics neurotypical behaviors to avoid standing out or being judged. This might look like:
- Forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable
- Rehearsing social interactions in advance
- Suppressing stimming behaviors (like rocking, nail-biting, hand-flapping, or humming) to appear more “normal”
- Overanalyzing body language and facial expressions to figure out what’s expected
- Pushing through sensory discomfort instead of advocating for needs
Masking can start at a young age, often as a way to avoid being bullied or to meet the expectations of family, teachers, and friends. Many neurodivergent women become so skilled at masking that even professionals miss their autism.
The Cost of Masking
While masking can help autistic women navigate a world that doesn’t always accommodate them, it comes at a steep price. Some of the biggest consequences include:
1. Exhaustion and Burnout
Constantly monitoring and adjusting your behavior is mentally and emotionally draining. Many autistic women reach a point of burnout in adulthood, where they feel completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and unable to function as they once did.
2. Loss of Self-Identity
When you spend your whole life trying to be someone else, it’s easy to lose sight of who you really are. Some neurodivergent women struggle to understand their true likes, dislikes, and core personality because they have spent so much time adapting to fit in.
3. Increased Anxiety and Depression
Living with the constant fear of being “found out” or rejected can lead to deep anxiety and depression. When others view your natural way of being as wrong or inconvenient, truly feeling a sense of belonging becomes difficult.
4. Delayed or Missed Diagnosis
Because masking can make autistic women appear neurotypical, many don’t receive a diagnosis until adulthood—if at all. This delay means they miss out on the support, self-understanding, and accommodations that could make their lives easier.
The Importance of Unmasking Autism or Neurodivergence
Unmasking is the process of letting go of the need to hide or change who you are to fit in. It’s about embracing your neurodivergence, advocating for your needs, and finding spaces where you can be your authentic self. Here’s why unmasking autism or neurodivergence is so important:
1. Better Mental Health
When you stop forcing yourself to fit into neurotypical expectations, you free up mental energy and reduce stress. Accepting yourself as you are can significantly decrease anxiety and depression.
2. Stronger Self-Identity
Unmasking allows you to explore who you truly are—what you love, what makes you comfortable, and what brings you joy. Instead of living for the approval of others, you can start living for yourself.
3. Deeper, More Authentic Connections
When you mask, relationships can feel shallow or draining because they’re built on an act rather than authenticity. Unmasking helps you connect with people who truly appreciate and accept you as you are.
4. Advocacy and Change
As more neurodivergent people unmask, they push the world to adapt and become more inclusive. By unmasking, you not only help yourself but also pave the way for future generations to gain acceptance without hiding.
How to Start Unmasking
Unmasking doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not always easy. But small steps can lead to big change. Here are some ways to begin:
- Acknowledge when and why you mask. Start paying attention to the situations where you feel the need to mask. Ask yourself: Is this necessary for my safety, or am I doing this out of habit?
- Practice small acts of authenticity. Whether it’s allowing yourself to stim in a safe space, being honest about your sensory sensitivities, or saying no to social events that drain you, little changes add up.
- Find supportive spaces. Seek out neurodivergent-friendly communities where you can be yourself without fear of judgment.
- Give yourself grace. Unmasking autism and neurodivergence is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself as you navigate what feels right for you.
Final Thoughts: Unmasking Autism
Masking may have helped you survive, but unmasking is what allows you to truly live. Every time you embrace who you are, you take back the power that masking took from you. If you’re on this journey, know that you are not alone. You are worthy, you are enough, and you deserve to exist as your authentic self—without apology.
Let’s build a world where neurodivergent women don’t have to mask to be accepted. It starts with us choosing to unmask, one step at a time.
If you would like help with unmasking, embracing your true self, and creating a life you love, we would love to help you on your journey! To learn more about the types of Neurodivergent Therapies we offer, Click Here.
Finally, If you would like to schedule an initial appointment with one of our therapists, please Click Here.