The 3 Top Reasons to Let go of Perfectionism

I have a confession to make: I procrastinated on this post because I wanted it to be perfect. Ironic, isn’t it? I have worked through perfectionism in many ways, yet it still creeps up from time to time. Yet, I know that progress isn’t linear and being vulnerable makes me a relatable human. Most importantly, I want to share this information with others so that they too can learn to live more confident and peaceful lives.

I take it you’ve identified you’re somewhat of a perfectionist but may not be sure of the ways it can affect you. For many of us, perfectionism has its benefits, yet it affects our mood and stress levels. Furthermore, it can affect us in bigger ways than we realize. So let’s dive deeper into the top 3 reasons to let go of perfectionism.

1- It increases stress and anxiety. 

Perfectionism sets our mind to be on overdrive. It expects us to get every detail, every action, every step, right. As a result, our mind works tirelessly and constantly, which leads to poor sleep habits, trouble relaxing, and high stress. Furthermore, the mind places being perfect over other needs. For example, we forget to eat, stay up later than we’d like, and skip physical exercise or other coping skills. Over time, perfectionism can lead to anxiety and physical ailments such as headaches, stomach aches, and heart palpitations.

2- It harms your self esteem. 

Have you ever been complimented on your work and in your mind you’re thinking about what you could have done better? Trying to be perfect creates these unrealistic expectations, harsh criticism, and black and white thinking. The mindset is typically that of if we do perfectly, we are good enough, and if we don’t, we are failures. In addition, whether we reach perfection or not is a biased assessment. In other words, some may say our work is amazing and others may respond with indifference. Furthermore, perfectionism sets unattainable goals, which leads to feeling bad about yourself and feeling bad about life in general (see #3). The reality, however, is that our work does not define our worth. The most successful of people fail hundreds, if not thousands, of times before getting to where they are today.

3- It robs you of joy. 

Perfectionists often have all or nothing thinking. This lack of flexibility makes it difficult to celebrate little wins that keep us motivated and happy about our work. We keep waiting for the big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow instead of realizing that the rainbow is our life and the gold is sprinkled into it. Not surprisingly, burn out is very common among perfectionists. It causes us to fear the worst, focus on the negative, and not meet our expectations. All of this inevitably affects our happiness. Joy is in appreciating what we have and the progress we have made. 

If you have identified that perfectionism is affecting your confidence, stress levels, and happiness, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with it and its effects. You may have developed perfectionism in childhood as a way to feel in control, or in adulthood as a result of a high pressure environment. In addition, social media, television, and advertisements are big influencers on our unrealistic expectations. Nevertheless, it starts to have it’s effects on our mental and physical health.

If you would like to stop the thoughts and behaviors connected to perfectionism and increase your inner peace, love, and confidence, please contact me. I’d be happy to work with you or provide you with free resources.

Vanessa Palomera, MA, LMFT